Welcome back.

Staring out the window, I find myself contemplating the meaning of everything. That might sound cynical. It might sound draining. It might sound soul wrenching. Yet, somehow I find comfort in where I am in this present moment. Not wanting more, not held back by less, just joy in the moment of life that I am stabilized in. I don’t think moments like this come all that often.

I think that it is somewhat natural to reflect on life at the end of a year. To look back and hope that I am stronger, more compassionate, maybe even more grounded than I was a year ago. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I am more “Sarah” than I have ever been.

Last Christmas I exited a relationship that was defined by control, manipulation, heartache, and dread. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. I had to make the decision completely on my own. I had to make the choice to live better and in order to live my life to the fullest, I had to do it on my own. Time really does heal and I have found myself healed, not only from the toxic relationship, but I have also found myself healed of shame.

My spirituality has been renewed by allowing this healing to happen. While my spirituality is with a higher power, I have also come to grasp the beauty of the spirituality of a single moment. The beauty of life as I inhale a full breath. The quiet calm of the house when all my children have laid their heads to rest. The serene connection found in moving my body and allowing my intention to take the next step. The renewed hope in love found in the eyes of someone who chose to love me despite all the flaws I see in myself.

Somehow, I have found that the struggles I have fought through, the heartaches I have endured, and the life I didn’t get to live have brought me to this beautiful place. The inner beauty of my soul, released by overcoming pain. Without rain, there cannot be rainbows. Without storms, there cannot be growth. So in this moment, I would like to welcome back to the world, all that is Sarah.