A word says a thousand words? Where do I even begin? Am I not good enough? Am I not trying hard enough? Am I spending enough time with my kids? Am I spending enough quality time with my kids? Am I taking care of myself? Am I focusing on self-care? Am I taking too much time for myself? What if I don't spend time taking care of myself and then end up yelling at my kids? But my kid needs their oxygen mask! They are drowning! But I can't even hold myself up! Where is my life vest?
Sound familiar? This past month has been filled with Christmas gatherings, snow, Covid, New Years celebrations, school, no school, work, sick days, self-care days...Need I say more? Do you all remember April of 2020? The month that seems to have lasted two years? Now we are stuck in a vacuum of Covid and expecting the unexpected, planning for the unplanned, and if we are lucky, reschedule that vacation for a third time and hope maybe, just maybe, something won't go wrong and we can go this time.
The past two years have really taught me a lot. Mostly that I carry a lot of guilt with me. I carry guilt that impacts my ability to breathe on a regular basis. I get stuck in a rut and blame myself for all the things that I have no ability to control or manage. I wish I had a magic wand to take away the guilt. Instead, I'm going to air my dirty laundry and hopefully find some peace and comfort in those struggling with the same things. So here's what I don't plan on feeling guilty for anymore:
Taking sick days - Yes...mental health can be used as a sick day.
Letting my kids stay home from school - They are little people with massive emotions. They need days off too.
Sending my kids to school - Because they need to learn and I need a break.
Therapy - How else am I supposed to manage my crazy big emotions?
Self-care - Yoga, meditation, music, massages, getting my hair done, getting my nails done. Yup, I deserve all of that.
Tears - Because when stuff happens and I can't control it, I cry.
Laughter - Letting myself laugh till I cry has become a regular occurrence. It's one of those "you'd have to be there" situations.
Love.
If nothing else, today I am hanging up my dirty laundry to dry out all the guilt. I hope you might find peace in doing the same.