Have you found yourself rushing between the air conditioning and the blazing hot temperature outside? I have found myself in the dark, in the middle of the day, hiding from the sunshine because if I open the curtains, heat will pour in and my safe space will be so overwhelming and unpleasant that I will have to go and find another air conditioned place to be comfortable.
This week I have found myself particularly hidden. Over the past year, I have removed my social media accounts, removed the news app from my phone, and unless something huge happens that everyone is talking about in the office, I am mostly oblivious to the world outside of the community I serve. I have found myself hidden. Perhaps from the scorching heat that is raining down on us. Perhaps because of the damaging effect the news has had on my mental health. Perhaps because I feel safer in the cool dark house than in the sun. Nevertheless, I have found myself searching for an acceptable level of light. This search is very uncomfortable. I have found that since giving my mind space to breathe from the outside world, I have let my focus turn to the soul that is myself. I have found that the more space I allow myself, the more I recognize the importance of focusing on the surroundings directly in my reach. I'm not suggesting that a higher level focus is a bad thing. Rather, I have found the meaning in keeping my attention more directed to my immediate surroundings. There comes a time in one's life that the moral ethics, the core beliefs, the things we were told to recognize as truth, no longer apply. I am finding that in this stage in my growth, in my stage of inner focus, that I am able to question the powers that be. I am able to choose the moral avenues and roads that I want to take without being told it is right. I am able to hold on to my inner light and believe that my experience is true. The story I hold is real. The story and experience of others holds truth to the beholder. It is not my job to question the truth of others, but rather, support their truth to be real. That is how I find my light. By supporting the glow of not only myself, but of those who I share beauty, experience, and space with. While remembering that my glow and the glow of others, is always an acceptable level of light, no matter how bright it shines.