Be an Advocate. Find a Voice.

If you are looking from the outside, you have no idea how hard this day was. For my four year old, everything is intensified times 10. Simple things that you might not even notice send him into a sensory overload nonverbal tantrum. If you are looking from the outside, you might think he is just throwing a tantrum. You might think he gets whatever he wants. You might think his parents are very lazy and doesn't discipline him.

But here is what you don’t know. Everyday is a struggle for him to get through. He battles sensory and behavioral triggers constantly throughout the day. By the end of the day, he has been working so hard just to get to the end of the day holding it together. Anything that changes or any additional sensory input can flip his lid. If you are curious about the services and help I have tried to get him, send me a message.

His dad and I have been co-parenting and trying to get him help since he was a year and a half. I had a mother’s intuition that his life was going to follow a different path from the moment he was born.

Think of your worst mental health day. Think of when you were at your lowest and how you don’t want to be touched. Sound gives you a headache. People piss you off. You are at work, everyone knows you are having a bad day, and they all want to watch you from two inches away from your face. And you might begin to understand how Owen feels every moment of every day.

Given that bit of background, this day was intensely hard for him. He had to hold it together all day at school. He has separation anxiety. It took me thirty minutes to drop him off at preschool. He had to sit in his egg chair with his weighted blanket before he could interact with his peers. Then after a long day of school, he had to wear an itchy gown, a cap that was pressing against his head, and he was expected to sit still and sing in front of 50-100 people.

For Owen, that is like sitting on a cactus, still, while smiling for over an hour.

He couldn’t do it. And we didn’t force him to. Because he has worked so much harder to just show up for this day. This may not have been a normal preschool graduation for Owen. But Owen is not a normal kid. He is a beautiful, talented, neurodiverse, sensitive boy. He couldn’t sit and sing with his class. He couldn’t sit and wait for his name to be called. He couldn’t wear his gown the entire time. But you know what?! I don’t care!! Because my beautiful boy worked so hard to get there.

His teacher called his name and even though it took him a minute to get to the stage, she waited. She waited because she knows how hard these things are for Owen. She waited because she knows that Owen deserves every bit of recognition as the other kids. She waited because she loves my baby.

So to you, he may look overly excited, a trouble maker, a tough kid, but I urge you to not judge. To get to know my kid. Ask how you can support him. Teach your children that life is harder for him. Teach your children to learn to interact with neurodiverse kids.

My son works every day to learn to interact with neurotypical kids that he doesn’t understand. Take the same courtesy and educate yourself and your kids. I beg you. Make life a tiny bit easier for Owen. And if you don’t know how you can help, ask! You might even make a new friend. Owen is pretty cool. I’d love to share and I know he’d love to have a new friend.

Why am I telling you his story? Isn't this supposed to be a suicide prevention blog? Yes! And you know what? For kids that aren't considered "normal", for kids that are on the Autist spectrum, for kids that are LGBTQ+, for kids that are a racial minority, for kids that struggle with depression, for kids that have to try and hold it together, for kids that are bullied, for kids who don't have two parents, they need to have supportive advocates!

Owen has a mom that has been fighting for him every day of his life. I will fight and advocate and give my son a voice until my last breath. Every kid deserves to have an advocate, a caring adult, someone fighting for them. So today, I urge you to stand up for a child that might not have a voice.

Some ways you can do that? Reach out to the school districts and volunteer. Become a Court Appointed Special Advocate for children in Columbia County. Join Connect St. Helens. Do you need more ideas? Ask! Be an advocate. Find a voice.